Dear Diary: You Write Like You Speak

Someone told me, a while ago, “you write like you speak”. I don’t believe this was meant to be a compliment nor was it meant to be a criticism.  Merely an observation? A tiny soundbite to make me think?

This comment popped into my thoughts after I had finished rambling on, in my mind, an observation of my own.

I had been on my back porch enjoying my morning coffee and examining the word love and how it has been used or not used throughout my 34 years of existence.

I attempted to recall my older sisters’ usage of the word and noted my younger brothers frequent conversational ending; “I Love you”. I accepted my own use of the word; multiple times throughout the day with my children and mostly in response to those residing outside my domain.

As I try to scrutinize how three people, who grew up in the same home, with the same parental figures, could have greatly varying practices of uttering this word, there it was… “You write like you speak”.

But why? How did that remark fit into this mental dialog? The fact that this comment lingers in my cranial filing system and has the wherewithal to spring forward, without being summoned, deserves some exploring.

Through all this black and white chatter, strangely, I am left with this thought; be mindful when speaking because words have sticking power.

Hello Everyone. I hope you missed me.

I am back! I had no choice, to be honest. What I am feeling cannot be consolidated into 140 characters. There is not a single photo that could even begin to capture my feelings. The Facebook post would most certainly fall on deaf ears.

I am having a problem.

I know there are a lot of you out in the world wide web have been in relationships, maybe more than one. I have been in 3. I was with my ex-husband from the time I was 18 until 28ish. The man that followed turned my world upside down. The man that followed that opened my eyes to the evil in the world.

My ex-husband is my ex-husband, we grew up together and face challenges on co-parenting and had been friends throughout this world.

The man that I met following the end of my marriage healed me. He truly opened my eyes to MY worth and made me stronger. He wasn’t supposed to be a 2-year thing; he was supposed to be a get back out there! because in 10 years, you kind of forget that the world exists beyond your family life.  This man was basically intensive therapy and he squashed a lot of anger and hate I had carried around the world with me. He showed me that when it came down to it, I could look beyond that pain and find light. You wouldn’t look at him and say; “yup, this guy will change you for the better”. He basically helped me find myself.

Then there was this. I had not had bad experiences in relationships, sadness sure, but nothing that would make me closed off and guarded going into future relationships. This one came out of nowhere and I believe will follow me around for the rest of my days. I believe this last thing has made me guarded and I feel as though I can never be open with another person ever again. I allowed someone into my world. This person is now known (to me) to have an undiagnosed mental illness. He has thrown my life into chaos and I find myself constantly trying to block attacks. He has threatened to make calls to child protective services, he has threatened to call my contractors, he has threatened to file monetary suit against me. All of these things can and will be batted down instantaneously but how does someone get it into their mind to try to destroy an entire family because they are angry that a relationship won’t work out? He went on a rampage that landed him in the hospital and placed in a mental institution of some sort because he thinks I went out of my way to purchase an iPhone to create accounts on the internet to mess with his head. Who has that much time? Not me! I have 3 kids, work with 3 companies and am taking 2 courses towards my degree. He thinks I was up all night tweeting him and that I had multiple google accounts in an effort to drive him crazy. He sent photos of Caucasian males and females saying it was me. He has directed me to twitter accounts that mass tweet things that are generally relate-able. He sent me a photo of a pair of male sneakers and said that was my house because the was in the background was eggshell in color.

I fight against the need to shelter myself from all things people but if you think about what is the point really? You start off as strangers and you find something that makes the person interesting. You begin to develop a bond with this person that you think you know. Now comes the sharing of information, information that you wouldn’t post as a status update and maybe even information that you wouldn’t even tell your blood relatives. Then things may become rocky. This is not only with “partner” relationships, this could be the case with any relationship. Now you’re like “why did I ever tell that person things that could be used to hurt me?” That’s where I am right now, like I wish I never met him at all! I let him in my home, he met my children, at one point I trusted this person with my freaking debit cards and checkbooks. And then I had to buy a safe. I had to count all the devises in my home. I had to shelter my kids from violence and then finally protect myself.

I was in the clear! I was free and then made the horrible decision of believing change had occurred. Unfortunately, I was just restarting the cycle. The moment that I saw this to be true, I managed to free myself once again. He flew south but I believed he would find help. This was not the case. After deciding a friendship would be the only relationship we had, the cycle continued. This time a little different. Now that I have finally stated clearly so that it’s completely understood, that I no longer wished to have any contact, I am getting threats. Threats to mess with my family, threats to mess with my business, threats to mess with my finances.

I have reached my limit with crazy. I had agreed that I would not seek legal assistance if he would simply leave me alone, but I don’t think he has. So I don’t think I can.

I just don’t understand how someone can actively choose to attempt to dismantle someones life just because they have hurt feelings. Seriously.

America’s Martyr: NO Race Mixing

Please someone tell me this is a hoax. This must be a prank. I’ve been “punked”… Where the hell is Ashton Kutcher? This can’t be real

An Elegant Life by Jennifer


Friends, I invite you to ponder the image above.  The beautiful woman is Christy Sheats.  The Texas wife and mother who is being vilified in the media for shooting and killing her teenage daughters.  It makes for a great headline in mainstream media but what goes unsaid is even more powerful.

A devout Republican and gun rights advocate, she no doubt discovered that both of her daughters had been promiscuous and were sleeping with black boys and she took it upon herself to put an end to that cycle.  She was brave enough to stand up and say ENOUGH!  Not in MY house! And she should be lauded.

Race mixing is not only an ungodly thing, it causes such confusion and humiliation.  Not only for the children born of this sin, but for the grandparents who would have to carry this burden. Mrs. Sheats was the picture of elegance and…

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I like to pretend

I like to pretend that everything is A-Okay. I like to pretend that my life is a cake walk and that things are easy breezy. This is not actually the case.

Let’s take a look into my life, shall we?

I am a full time mother of three rapidly growing boys. They are my driving force and reason for being. They bring my joy and heartache(when they are sad) and frustration when I feel like they just would rather not listen to me. It is hard as hell being a parent and it definitely doesn’t come with a rule book or blueprint. It is even harder when you are going through it mostly alone. But on the other side of the coin, I have been able to forge this unbreakable bond with these fellas that I hope will prove beneficial when they hit that “mom get out” age in life. I hope that we will continue to have open lines of communication and that they never feel like they’re missing anything when it comes to mother son relationship.

I am a full time student. I have been on this fairly exhausting journey as far as schooling is concerned. Although I only take two courses at a time, these courses have me constantly writing reading analyzing and composing. If you are a full time college student, you know what I mean. This is a whole life situation all on it’s own.

I work full time. I don’t just punch in, do my job and, go home. I have to actively seek contracts that fit my needs as far as flexibility and pay. I have to make sure that I leave a good impression at all times so that I can constantly receive contracts with companies. I have to actually do the work and sometimes this is a full day affair! Some field work has me on the road for hours and then the office piece is just as long, if not longer.

I try to make a presence on life in some sort of full time capacity and we all know how hard that can be.

Three full time things and a possible (Spades).. phew. I am tired

If you tried to add all of the man hours up and see how much time I actually spend parenting, learning, working and, blogging, tweeting, Instagraming and, Facebooking then you my friend are a brave soul! If you actually garnered a figure from all of this then you are a mathematician!  AND finally, if you have managed to find some “me time” in this equation then I really need your number because we need to talk!

((Ding Dong)) The Avon Lady

Yay my stuff came in!

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I was so excited, I did a small photo shoot

This is my flawless and Magix naturals and nudes of course

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I have samples of the Ideal Flawless in Light, Medium, and Deep Just let me know where to ship it!!

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I have my Bug Guard Too! I can’t wait to go back out into the woods with the boys and not be eaten alive by the mosquitoes. I have discounts on this right now get them while they’re here!!IMG_20160621_1559287_rewind (2)

Enjoy you Summer Nights again!

Doers and Dreamers

I came across this on my twitter feed from Inc.Com. The article is titled “One Brilliantly Simple Hiring Question That Will Tell You Instantly If Someone Is A Dreamer Or A Doer” so of course I was intrigued. I am always on the hunt to find out more about myself and my level of drive. I get to the meat of things rather quickly and figured I’d answer that question. I mean, hell, I’m not really in an interview right?

“What are three things that you have not yet accomplished and would never forgive yourself for not having accomplished during the remainder of your life?”

Before you read on stop and make a mental list of those three things for yourself. Got them? Now read on.

That’s the question! It was a simple one for me. The answer is: Buy a house, travel the country in an RV, and get married again. I have three years left in my five year home buying plan and shortly after that (when I am able) I will travel the country with the man I plan to marry 🙂

Here’s the twist. It’s a follow up question. Ok, I know I said one question, but I wanted to set you up in the same exact way I’d set this up in an interview. I don’t want the candidate to know that I’m going to ask a follow up because it’s the answer to the follow up that I care most about.

Oh course there’s a twist! There’s always a twist!

Frankly, within this context, the three things they’ve listed are interesting but meaningless to me. Not because they’re unimportant, but because we’re all entitled to have whatever dreams of grandeur we want.  It’s the intentional strategies and tactics to achieve them that I want to hear about–that’s what tells me who someone really is, how well they deal with uncertainty, how sincere they are about their ambitions, and ultimately how innovative they are.

We can all dream; coming up with new ideas is simple. The world does not lack in dreamers, but some of us actually do something about those dreams. And, by the way, doing something isn’t just about making a decision, those are easy too; anyone can decide, but just because you’ve decided to start a business, become rich, get married, or have kids doesn’t make you an entrepreneur, a millionaire, a good spouse, or a good parent. It’s what you do after the decision that counts.

So here’s the follow-up question:

“Specifically, what have you done in the last 30 days to realize each of those three ambitions?”

Specifically…. I have been in the process of bringing by credit back to home buying status. Simultaneously I have been constantly working on myself as a person so that I am ready to be in an RV with someone for an extended period of time without ending up in handcuffs with a hefty sentence hanging over my head. As far as the male in this picture.. There is no planning to do there.. That will be when it will be.

What I’m looking for are specifics. If you respond immediately with actual tasks, projects, and measurable tangible efforts then I’m impressed. I want to see the numbers! How much are you doing? How often? If you have to think about it then I’m worried, because, after all, you just told me that these were the three most important things in your life and you’re not doing anything specific to realize them!! Really?

“Entitled people simply expect to be right, are regularly frustrated and blame others for their shortcomings, rarely take ownership of their actions, anger, temper, and reactions to others, have a short fuse and get exasperated easily, and are not transparent–in short they make lousy partners because they’re usually too busy arguing about who’s right rather than what’s right.”

Anything less than direct quantifiable and tangible effort to achieve these three ambitions tells me that the person I’m talking to lacks adequate discipline and self-direction. Most importantly it tells me that this is someone who isn’t accustomed to doing the hard work it takes to realize their dreams. Instead, they expect that just deciding on having the dream is sufficient. By the way, there’s a name for that, it’s called entitlement, and it’s the last thing I want from someone on my team, especially a senior level hire! I want them to know what it means to earn success rather than expecting it to be handed to them!

Did I make the cut as a doer or am I merely a dreamer?

I didn’t decide this! Today’s round table discussion

We sit at the table for every meal. That is the one thing that will always be. Having dinner as a family allows for better bonds and gives us a chance to catch up. Now, at this point in their lives they are not at the age where we actually need the “catch-up” time but it’s better to keep the habit than to try to forge it in the future.

Tonight at the round table the discussion centered on what they thought they had for concrete memories from their infancy.

Baby B says he certainly remembers a white gate surrounding him and his maternal grandmother holding him.

Baby A had no input.

Single Birth kid remembers the baby gate and me leaving him there. He was brought to tears when he tried to explain that he remembers me leaving him in the gated area and that he did not want to leave me at that time. He stopped there, apparently this was a very painful memory.

I explained to them that the gate was there because having three kids in diapers running around is not only chaotic but also dangerous. They would run around the house and attempt to pull everything down that was above their eye-line and within their reach. After all, someone had to cook dinner.

I was asked by Baby B why I chose him to be born last and I could hardly hold back the laughter. I tried to explain to him how when the doctors found the two heart beats and the two sacks and double everything, they had to label them A and B so that they could track the growth and development. He questioned why they didn’t take him out first anyhow just so he could be born first. I was lost for explanation but reiterated the labeling process and how it was just normal to remove A before B.. Alphabetical order!

I then retreated to the living room and opened the wall safe so that they could see and hold their certificate of live birth. This was when things got funny. They are reading and chatting about every bit of information on the forms. They are shocked that the doctors spelled their names right (they have a problem in school with correct spelling) I explained that this was the first time their names were spelled for them and the data clerks just put in the information that I filled out.

And then a screech!


HAHAA oh kid.. that’s just the day they entered/received the information for the certificate. Boy was he traumatized for like a minute. But could you imagine?!? Sometimes I think my birth year is off by one year!

Real story for you. I was up at my uncles house visiting with my aunt and my other uncle said something about birthdays and my mother said his to which he replied with a different date. She said she thought his BD was XX time and he said… So did I! but then I found out it was XX instead! OMG I would just flip.