HELP

They never tell you how incredibly difficult it is to raise children. You see all the new moms in the world with their bouncing bundles of joy all smiling and laughing and aging the babies in months for the first 3 years of their lives. I am a mother of 3 boys and finally I am ready to remove that mask of “happy ass parenting” and be bold enough to tell the truth.

My oldest child(10) is probably the most sensitive kid I have ever met. He is just like me in that way. I falling leaf in early June means the leaf didn’t live a full life and therefore my heart is broken. I remember his first day of 4th grade. I picked them up from school and he had the saddest look in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong and he broke out in full-blown tears. It took everything I had not to cry with him. When I finally got him calm enough to understand his day one sorrows, he tells me that a friend didn’t say hi back to him and he doesn’t understand why. “I just miss the old Tiana”, HUH??? My kid had suffered his first heartbreak at the age of 8(almost 9). I had no clue what to do. I don’t even remember if I had a crush at that age. They don’t tell you that in the baby books.

My middle child (Twin 1 also known as Baby A) was diagnosed with PDD-NOS and I still don’t know how to help him really. I feel like every medical professional expects you to know what that means and how to help. It took years to even see someone regarding his slow development and when we finally got some assistance, the specialist was like…”I am leaning towards Asperger’s….. Nope PDD…..Okay have a good life”. Well my son is now acting out, aggressively, towards himself. He gets really angry when he feels like he doesn’t know something and hits himself. I have no clue how to help here either. I have an appointment with the specialist but it isn’t until November so until them we, the family as a whole, are in “don’t let him get upset” mode.

My youngest (Twin 2 also known as Baby B) has decided that lying is the only way to go. No matter what it is…. I have been trying to explain to him that lying gets him grounded but he has yet to really care about being grounded because he loves to read and when you’re grounded that is your only option.

So you see, on top of working and school, these kids created crazytown. They are definitely not 36 month old bundles of laughs and smiles. It kind of makes me feel like I am currently undertaking 3 majors and I need a tutor.

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Child of domestic violence survivor

Source: Child of domestic violence survivor

Rain Rain go Away!!

I am stuck in a rut. I have no idea why. I looked back on my week and have noticed that I really haven’t gotten a ton of things done. It’s raining outside and I am still in my pajamas. I skipped class today and haven’t done much in the way of way in the past two days.

Where did this stagnation come from? I haven’t the slightest idea. I can only assume that my soul needs the rest. In order to gain more “get up and go” I have been reading a lot of blogs composed by others.

I came across a post and I fell into it. Like really fell! I found myself so connected to that, if it hadn’t been for the very extensive vocabulary used and the seemingly perfect grammar, I would’ve thought I written it myself. This was my world. This is the relationship I was in. This Narcissist was MY narcissist! Here is a small clip:

Frankly, before a narcissist, I’ve not once in my life, felt. Neither have I ever been told by a psychologist that I had anything wrong with my mental health concerning relationships. I always had it “together”. I was resilient, mentally tough, and withstood many events in my life that would make others crumble.

If you haven’t read in a previous post, I am currently seeing a psychologist. I have been since one week before I sent my narcissist to the house of correction for his actions. The reason for seeking therapy is because I am studying to become a psychologist and you should see a psychologist if you’re becoming one because you will definitely need to process or debrief. My therapist has said these exact words to me.

I was resilient, mentally tough, and withstood many events in my life that would make others crumble.

My tagline says “I’ve been through it all. Don’t go it alone” and that is true! Life, death, love, loss. You name it, I’ve seen/experienced it!

Yet, when I unwittingly dated someone with this serious mental health malady, I wanted to slam an entire set of broken porcelain down his throat sideways and every obtuse moron that believes the garbage that comes out of his mouth. No, it’s not that I suddenly became a person interested in physical violence, I suddenly became a person who was witnessing a category all wrapped up into a physical being – who turned his mental health problems on me. I became a target of a person with a problem. They say, “Hurt people, HURT people”. I say, “Narcissistic People DESTROY PEOPLE”.

For a year in my life I felt all ten of these signs deeply, profoundly! So thank you Shahrazadastory for composing this beautiful piece reminding me of why I began this journey through my blog. For reminding me why I never give up on personal growth and self development! I encourage all people to head over and check out Ten Signs You Have Been Abused By A Narcissist

How long will it take to heal?

This was touching. This is probably the single most important yet unanswered question that exists in the world regarding feelings of pain and suffering. You always ask yourself how long it will take until you are able to breath.

Take the death of my father and sister, when I was just 8 years old. I have still not “healed” even 24 years later. In this circumstance thing only thing that you can do is to understand that the pain never really goes away. The loss stays forever in you heart, you are just able, one day, to breath. You’ll still have moments of unrelenting sorrow and grief, but you can move forward in the living.

So I guess the better question is; in some circumstances, does one ever really heal?

Source: How long will it take to heal?

A Real Picture of my Ultrasound!!! Not mine… Hers!!!

Stumbling around the internet and found this gem. I laughed a little. Babies know when enough is enough. We lose that as we age unfortunately.

Seeing an ultrasound makes me think of my “childbearing” years and how I am quickly approaching my personally set cutoff time.

I have been sensing the baby fever for a couple of years now, and my children are not getting any younger. There is nope hope for me with this though, did you read that last post I did about the guys that are currently in my sphere? Not looking good for this momma.

Source: A Real Picture of my Ultrasound!!!

Inspiration for the masses

plato

On a daily basis, try to inspire good actions in others.

Word to the Wise

plato
Today I did not speak (besides to the obvious) I stayed off of social media platforms and I kept to myself. It was refreshing to not speak.