Relax, I’m almost done with this impromptu days of the week post run.
It is the middle of the week and I’m sure you guys know how i feel about it. Wednesday’s are always weird for me… And long!!! I can’t forget long.
I woke up late, skipped breakfast, drank too much coffee and, now i sit waiting… Waiting on Wednesday.
The storm played a cool little trick… ” I’m gonna rumble rumble shoot a little lightning, sprinkle just enough to call off the park camp and then stop”.
So here i sit
Everyone cleans on Sunday’s but i’ve chosen Wednesday for this battle.
My to-do list:
- Mourn the death of my ex
- Play a board game
- Throw the football
- Maybe work
I don’t know who did this but i think I’m gonna redo.
I sat in silent contemplation this evening on my enclosed porch because i needed clarity. I find myself in a place of wonder and am feeling a bit confused.
What is it that makes me feel so tied to this situation? why can’t i just walk away?
I believe it is what i see when i look at you. I think i see all of the parts of me that i try to keep hidden or masked. I see me in you and i would never give up on myself.
The problem with that is… You are not me… I shouldn’t feel so entertwined in this… I guess that is just a part of me I must relinquish.
Forgo my need to fix the parts of me that aren’t actually me and work on healing the me within…
It all starts from within
Someone told me, a while ago, “you write like you speak”. I don’t believe this was meant to be a compliment nor was it meant to be a criticism. Merely an observation? A tiny soundbite to make me think?
This comment popped into my thoughts after I had finished rambling on, in my mind, an observation of my own.
I had been on my back porch enjoying my morning coffee and examining the word love and how it has been used or not used throughout my 34 years of existence.
I attempted to recall my older sisters’ usage of the word and noted my younger brothers frequent conversational ending; “I Love you”. I accepted my own use of the word; multiple times throughout the day with my children and mostly in response to those residing outside my domain.
As I try to scrutinize how three people, who grew up in the same home, with the same parental figures, could have greatly varying practices of uttering this word, there it was… “You write like you speak”.
But why? How did that remark fit into this mental dialog? The fact that this comment lingers in my cranial filing system and has the wherewithal to spring forward, without being summoned, deserves some exploring.
Through all this black and white chatter, strangely, I am left with this thought; be mindful when speaking because words have sticking power.
I wonder is people get just as sad on holidays like Easter as they do on Christmas…
I have been through every holiday since the 4th of 2015 alone, as in: no adult counterpart, I have had my lovely little men to spend these occasions with and I think that plays a huge part in why I haven’t done very many destructive things.
This lack of adult counterpart thing is getting a little tiresome though. I sometimes wish that there were someone there to share the sense of Christmas accomplishment with. Someone to fall back in the bliss of finality to the joyful stresses of the season.
Now Easter has arrived and although this holiday is less of a stress, I still wish there were someone to breath a sigh of relief with.
I have placed that part of my life on hold and for now I wait to until my little monsters get home and we eat and share this holiday together as a family of 4.
If love was art, this is what I would imagine it would look like.
courtesy of The Mind Unleashed
“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” – Carl Jung
The Mind Unleashed
This song brings about feelings of bliss and happiness. Not directly related to anyone in particular but the concept of love and loving a significant other.