Happy National Milk Chocolate Day

Happy National Milk Chocolate day. It does not matter is you enjoy milk or dark or anything in between, toady is the day to indulge in the sweetness. I’m sure going to show my love to the chocolate.

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I will have to try my hardest not to get any on the keys, I think I can manage. Stop by for a snack.

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Gun Happy

I had the absolute best day ever! I mean, I just had so much adult “happy time”. My friend was brave enough to accept my offer of shooting at a gun range. I picked a date and we committed. All in all it was a great time for me. She still wasn’t into the whole gun thing, but I am so happy that I went. We didn’t stay a very long time because we were both very nervous and decided on just one box of ammo. I think I shot fairly well considering I hadn’t shot at a range since 2001. The staff there were helpful and cute which was a bonus. I am pretty sure I am going back and I convinced her that she should as well!

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I just felt so liberated with the gun in my hands. I had a huge amount of power in this little tiny package and I felt safe. It seems odd to be around such firepower and feel safe but the people there seemed okay. Admittedly I was in a little bit of shock at first. It was loud and every pop sent a chill up my spine, but after emptying my first clip into the target, I was able to block out all of the background noise and fire on.

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I’m pretty sure he was checking out my butt.

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Manchester Firing Line Range Facebook Page

I think I needed this day to happen. I needed to get a lot of things off of my mind and I was able to do so. The drive up was an impromptu counseling session  for me and the shooting helped blow off the residual steam.

Not the Happiest Place on Earth

I am unbelievably tired of all of the violence that has been going on around me. Everyday in this city there is another incidence of violence. There are shootings and stabbings and everything in between. I though once I ended my relationship I could live a little bit more at peace, this is not the case. I have actually been living in fear and confusion since he has been out of the home. Every loud bang sends chills up and down my spine. I don’t know if I should duck or look for sparklers in the sky. I will not leave my place of residence after the sun has set and that is no way to live.

The most recent act of violence that I have read has been a home invasion. At least two were shot. This sucks! not only do I not want to leave at night, I also don’t want to be here alone at night. What would I be able to do to defend my home, my children, if someone were to get into my home with firearms? I have no means of defending myself and to make matters worse, it is next to impossible for me to gain those means of self defense because of this city! I have had it up to my ears.

Optimism is a strategy for making a better future… #quote #future #jumpforjoy

Optimism is a strategy for making a better future… #quote #future #jumpforjoy.

Optimism is step 1! Action is step 2!

I am about to make some changes. Personal changes that will lift my spirits and bring me back to center. I am extremely extremely hopeful and happy

 

Keeping Myself Honest

There are a whole bunch of things that I omitted from my last, very bland post. You know the post about very vague movies that scream, “something is going on here”. If this is truly going to be an open book about me then I need to be open, so here we go.

Things I left out: For starters; I freaked out on the kids a little bit. I have been so overwhelmed with everything that has been going on that the huge amount of little things cause a meltdown. Every day, multiple times a day, I have to ask the boys to clan up their messes, put up their stuff, put things away, put you shirt on right, speak in indoor voices inside, and this list goes on and on. They have this great knack for throwing trash at the trash basket and leaving it laying on the floors, stuck to the walls and the whole nine yards. Lately I have found myself saying “In the trash, not around the trash” and today, after finding a ton of trash laying about, I freaked out, set a bunch of rules and stormed off like a child. I later apologized to them for being so harsh and tried to explain my bad mood in a calmer tone. Expressed how I have been feeling about their apparent “mom will get it” attitude and asked them to try and help out a little bit by just being mindful about their stuff. They seemed to get it.

I then realized that it has finally hit me that we, he and I, will no longer be an us. It is just me now, and I took that hard. I know it seems weird being upset about someone who has been so…….. unsettling, but I do miss him. I know I will get over it but for now I miss him.

I noticed that I have not done any studying what so ever for the midterm exam I had today. I haven’t even opened the book. I went to class today and noticed that everyone had large index cards used for cheat sheets for the test. I didn’t attend class last week, so I missed out on that bit of information. I do not know how I did, but I don’t think it was well.

I also had to break some very delicate information to someone today. It was emotional of course. (that’s not mine to share). It’s technically Tuesday, and I am still up. I know tomorrow will be better.

You’ve Got Mail In Seattle

I can not believe that I am still awake. I have been dealing in sleepless nights lately. I think it has a lot to do with a lot but can not pin point anything at all.

It has been a long time since the movie Sleepless in Seattle came out. About 22 years ago! Oh my goodness I am old. Either way, every time I can’t sleep I think about that move.  I don’t even know why, I can’t even remember what the movie is about. I guess I can attribute it to the title only.

I think I confuse that movie a lot with You’ve got Mail.

Keeping my feelings in Perspective

It has been a week now, since the whole meltdown on crazy town lane, I don’t really know how I feel. I am extremely bored and I don’t know what to do with myself. It’s not necessarily that I miss him and his ways because, I mean who wouldn’t want to release all of the stress and tears. I simply miss the good times that we did have. I miss the talks about the craziest subjects and the going to sleep and waking up thing that we had lol. <—- reading that one back to myself made me giggle a little. I mean really, could I really not think of something more pathetic than “the going to sleep and waking up”.okay, okay, pity party is over. Time to get back on track. I have officially grieved enough and I have chapters 1,3, 5, and 8, to read because I have a midterm tomorrow evening.

Side note, court for him is Aug 12, I haven’t decided if I will go or not. I am curious to see the outcome of this, and honestly I wonder how he’s doing in there. You can’t be with someone 24/7 for an extended period of time and not wonder about their health and well being… Well I guess you can if you were a person like him, but I am not and my heart is not cold.