We have twin tones but work ethics on opposition

Day 3

Well… In my last post i talked about my reset buddy and how she needed a gentle nudging or, a small lesson in respect your elders rather. Today…. She was partnered  up with another young duck. 

I was okay with that! I thought, for a second, that maybe i was too passive aggressive with her and almost felt bad but then she came to me to complain about her new buddy… I giggled… 

I tried to play it off like my day was going swimmingly but it was just a front, i knew i chose the right partner.

I was grouped with the other abundant in melanin people ( the store mgr is very melanin deficient) and we had a good, “it’s because we’re black”, chuckle which lasted 3.5 minutes and then i was completely over the group.

I was partnered with the “lead” who kept leaving for many reasons. .. No reason at all… I was done with the “it’s because we are black and brown”…. I was done with watching the other lady in the crew do nothing but talk!

It is not because you’re brown it’s because the mgr really couldn’t leave the two, that actually came to get the job done, working together.

So at first i was mad at my fair skinned choice but quickly changed that tune when our split resulted in actually catching up to the time frame to meet the deadline. 

But now… I feel like this guy
Ready to call it quits


Wild Wednesday 

Relax, I’m almost done with this impromptu days of the week post run.

It is the middle of the week and I’m sure you guys know how i feel about it. Wednesday’s are always weird for me… And long!!! I can’t forget long.

I woke up late, skipped breakfast, drank too much coffee and, now i sit waiting… Waiting on Wednesday.

The storm played a cool little trick… ” I’m gonna rumble rumble shoot a little lightning, sprinkle just enough to call off the park camp and then stop”.
So here i sit

Everyone cleans on Sunday’s but i’ve chosen Wednesday for this battle. 

My to-do list:

  1. Clean
  2. Mourn the death of my ex
  3. Play a board game
  4. Throw the football
  5. Maybe work

Lost art

I don’t know who did this but i think I’m gonna redo. 

Ahh… Full Moon Among Us

i didn’t really have an original thought this evening. I kind of went into a 5 hour hibernation. I’ve been up and restless and bored for about 3 now. I guess if you subscribe to the universe then the piece that follows should give you the same aha moment it gave me. The moon should be its fullest in less than 30 minutes and hopefully things will get back to normal.

Tomorrow’s Full Moon Is Going To Signal The End Of A Relationship

Jul 7, 2017 4:27pm
by Rosebud Baker
Feeling kind of “off” lately? You’re not alone. Tomorrow’s full moon in Capricorn is a BIG ONE.

Yes, full moons are always powerful, but this one is going to affect us all in a very intense way, and you may have already been feeling it, because the theme of this one is INTENSE TRANSFORMATION.

This full moon signals the end of something — either the end of specific relationship, or the end of a slump within it. Either way, a major, major shift is on the horizon, and you’re likely to be feeling the full-scale effects of these changes this weekend.

Here’s a bit of what you either have been or will be experiencing over the weekend as the full moon takes its effect.

Powerful Communication

On July 8, the full moon will be in Capricorn, within one degree of the planet Pluto. Pluto adds fuel to the fire of emotions we all experience around a full moon because this planets energy brings about transformation through destruction and then renewal.

You’ve probably been feeling like you’ve reached some kind of tipping point, and you’re ready to either blow up or run, but you don’t have to do either. Just breathe, and take some time to gain clarity, then speak your mind in a forthright way.

You emotions will feel overwhelming, and you’re likely to come off strong and powerful when you speak. Just take extra care to be honest yet gentle when you communicate.

You’re likely to come off a little stronger than you think you do.

Desire for Change

Full moons are a time of manifestation — of both endings and beginnings. You’ve probably been feeling pushed and pulled by your emotions (full moons can be felt up to three days before and after they occur) and it most likely has been messing with you. You could be especially tired, sleeping more than usual, or could have had days where you felt you didn’t need to sleep at all.

This is Pluto’s influence, working with the Moon, which rules the subconscious (working overtime in our dreams) Pluto has been bringing up the impulse in each of us for deep emotional changes- changes to what previously has felt set in stone.

Capricorn is a sign of traditional values and established institutions. Pluto is the bulldozer that destroys them, and the full moon tells us which of these are more important to us personally.

There’s a loneliness we’ve all been feeling, because of how solitary you have to be in order to hear your own inner wisdom, and in order to summon the power to carry it out.

Intense Sensitivity

Having the Sun in Cancer opposing the full moon in Capricorn makes for an interesting dynamic as well. You could find yourself being overly concerned with others’ actions, and that could result in attempts to manipulate or control their emotions.

On the opposite side, you might find yourself on the receiving end of some manipulative behaviors like jealousy, guilt tripping, threats, or intimidation. Do whatever you can to remove yourself from any dynamic like this, to allow this time to pass and to give yourself the space you need.

Regardless of the specifics, there’s a high likelihood of some kind of confrontation in your relationships, or if you’ve been experiencing that before the full moon, you’ll most likely have found the clarity you need to move forward now.

Some tips for the weekend: We recently went through the New Moon in Cancer, and that gave us the opportunity to clear up some emotional baggage and decide what we want to let go of in order to move forward. Think about what goals you set for yourself then, and consider this an opportunity to watch those goals manifest in real time.

These changes you’re making are necessary. If it doesn’t challenge you, you won’t grow.

The way of the world

I am always confused when it comes to what makes people famous. Previously i believed that you must have some talent or skill that set you apart from the rest. You would use that talent or skill to boost your name and eventually people will start to seek you out (follow your work) thus creating an opportunity for others to advertise their stuff and pay for you to do so.

Acting, singing, writing, interviewing…. Basically having an edge 

I don’t know how it works now.

People are getting paid big bucks for zero skills! Sex tape. . famous… Stripper… Famous… Out of control teen that needs boundaries and discipline… Famous…. Live in  well known city (real housewives of [wherever])….. Famous!!! Marry someone with a sketchy past… Famous…. Have a baby way too early…. Famous…

It goes on and on… 

What’s worse… Half the singers can’t sing, half the rappers are unintelligible, haven’t seen many young breakout actors, and there will never be another Oprah. 

Now let me go surgically enhance my ass  shake it for the gram so i can get engaged to RobK become  real housewife of Boston and start a makeup line. Look for my autotuned record and swimsuit line in the future. 

Fixing the ME inside of YOU

I sat in silent contemplation this evening on my enclosed porch because i needed clarity. I find myself in a place of wonder and am feeling a bit confused.

What is it that makes me feel so tied to this situation? why can’t i just walk away?

I believe it is what i see when i look at you. I think i see all of the parts of me that i try to keep hidden or masked. I see me in you and i would never give up on myself.

The problem with that is… You are not me… I shouldn’t feel so entertwined in this… I guess that is just a part of me I must relinquish.

Forgo my need to fix the parts of me that aren’t actually me and work on healing the me within…

It all starts from within

Dear Diary: You Write Like You Speak

Someone told me, a while ago, “you write like you speak”. I don’t believe this was meant to be a compliment nor was it meant to be a criticism.  Merely an observation? A tiny soundbite to make me think?

This comment popped into my thoughts after I had finished rambling on, in my mind, an observation of my own.

I had been on my back porch enjoying my morning coffee and examining the word love and how it has been used or not used throughout my 34 years of existence.

I attempted to recall my older sisters’ usage of the word and noted my younger brothers frequent conversational ending; “I Love you”. I accepted my own use of the word; multiple times throughout the day with my children and mostly in response to those residing outside my domain.

As I try to scrutinize how three people, who grew up in the same home, with the same parental figures, could have greatly varying practices of uttering this word, there it was… “You write like you speak”.

But why? How did that remark fit into this mental dialog? The fact that this comment lingers in my cranial filing system and has the wherewithal to spring forward, without being summoned, deserves some exploring.

Through all this black and white chatter, strangely, I am left with this thought; be mindful when speaking because words have sticking power.

Hello Everyone. I hope you missed me.

I am back! I had no choice, to be honest. What I am feeling cannot be consolidated into 140 characters. There is not a single photo that could even begin to capture my feelings. The Facebook post would most certainly fall on deaf ears.

I am having a problem.

I know there are a lot of you out in the world wide web have been in relationships, maybe more than one. I have been in 3. I was with my ex-husband from the time I was 18 until 28ish. The man that followed turned my world upside down. The man that followed that opened my eyes to the evil in the world.

My ex-husband is my ex-husband, we grew up together and face challenges on co-parenting and had been friends throughout this world.

The man that I met following the end of my marriage healed me. He truly opened my eyes to MY worth and made me stronger. He wasn’t supposed to be a 2-year thing; he was supposed to be a get back out there! because in 10 years, you kind of forget that the world exists beyond your family life.  This man was basically intensive therapy and he squashed a lot of anger and hate I had carried around the world with me. He showed me that when it came down to it, I could look beyond that pain and find light. You wouldn’t look at him and say; “yup, this guy will change you for the better”. He basically helped me find myself.

Then there was this. I had not had bad experiences in relationships, sadness sure, but nothing that would make me closed off and guarded going into future relationships. This one came out of nowhere and I believe will follow me around for the rest of my days. I believe this last thing has made me guarded and I feel as though I can never be open with another person ever again. I allowed someone into my world. This person is now known (to me) to have an undiagnosed mental illness. He has thrown my life into chaos and I find myself constantly trying to block attacks. He has threatened to make calls to child protective services, he has threatened to call my contractors, he has threatened to file monetary suit against me. All of these things can and will be batted down instantaneously but how does someone get it into their mind to try to destroy an entire family because they are angry that a relationship won’t work out? He went on a rampage that landed him in the hospital and placed in a mental institution of some sort because he thinks I went out of my way to purchase an iPhone to create accounts on the internet to mess with his head. Who has that much time? Not me! I have 3 kids, work with 3 companies and am taking 2 courses towards my degree. He thinks I was up all night tweeting him and that I had multiple google accounts in an effort to drive him crazy. He sent photos of Caucasian males and females saying it was me. He has directed me to twitter accounts that mass tweet things that are generally relate-able. He sent me a photo of a pair of male sneakers and said that was my house because the was in the background was eggshell in color.

I fight against the need to shelter myself from all things people but if you think about what is the point really? You start off as strangers and you find something that makes the person interesting. You begin to develop a bond with this person that you think you know. Now comes the sharing of information, information that you wouldn’t post as a status update and maybe even information that you wouldn’t even tell your blood relatives. Then things may become rocky. This is not only with “partner” relationships, this could be the case with any relationship. Now you’re like “why did I ever tell that person things that could be used to hurt me?” That’s where I am right now, like I wish I never met him at all! I let him in my home, he met my children, at one point I trusted this person with my freaking debit cards and checkbooks. And then I had to buy a safe. I had to count all the devises in my home. I had to shelter my kids from violence and then finally protect myself.

I was in the clear! I was free and then made the horrible decision of believing change had occurred. Unfortunately, I was just restarting the cycle. The moment that I saw this to be true, I managed to free myself once again. He flew south but I believed he would find help. This was not the case. After deciding a friendship would be the only relationship we had, the cycle continued. This time a little different. Now that I have finally stated clearly so that it’s completely understood, that I no longer wished to have any contact, I am getting threats. Threats to mess with my family, threats to mess with my business, threats to mess with my finances.

I have reached my limit with crazy. I had agreed that I would not seek legal assistance if he would simply leave me alone, but I don’t think he has. So I don’t think I can.

I just don’t understand how someone can actively choose to attempt to dismantle someones life just because they have hurt feelings. Seriously.