Sheeeeeeeee’s Baaaaack

Yeah I know, I haven’t gone very far. I have just been dealing with a lot of stuff lately. The funeral for my cousin was just this past Thursday and I think I am trying to get back into the swing of things.

The calling was very difficult. I am one that is sensitive to emotion and find it hard not to feel just as distraught as the person I’m nearest to in proximity. I like to see myself as the one who holds people together but sometimes I am the one in need of holding.

I saw my cousin, whom I look up to, break down and that was the end of my strength.

The service was moving, though I found myself floating back and fourth pretending to assist people but really just avoiding the reality of the situation.

The burial got to me the most, I think. I still hear my other cousin screaming about how she refused to leave her brother here and I couldn’t help but feel like he was way too hot in the casket in the sun. I know that I should know that he did not feel the heat, but I just couldn’t help but want to remove the body from those tortuous confines.

I needed to remove myself from the location as soon as I dropped the carnation on the way too hot casket.

There were so many people at the services! He was definitely well loved.

I found time in that moment to remember that he was being buried right next door to my father and sister and took a moment to say hi to them. It was a lot more comfortable visiting with them because I have been so many times before.

I guess I was dealing with a great deal of shock for the past couple of weeks and I think that I am moving slowly out of that zone at this moment.

For those of you that don’t like to see images of this nature, I must warn you that casket photos and such follow. Photo Credit: Panama fotos

 

Sabbatical

I have not been posting anything because I’ve been extremely overwhelmed.

I have been able to work 140 characters so find and follow on Twitter @MJGriffin_ and I’ll do the same.

Tomorrow I watch them put my cousin in the ground and I feel like this has been the longest second line in the world.

Tonight I lay all of my anger to rest and put to bed all past negativity.

I wish nothing but peace for all..

Productivity

I was sent into shock the other day when I found out that my cousin had been found dead. There are so many questions I have that have not yet been answered and I have had a headache since news broke.

Unfortunately, when tragic things happen (in my opinion) people are sent in one of two directions. People either allow the event to send them into a state of unrelenting sadness where they are unable to function or they are sent head first into over-activity.  Both of those extremes are bad (everything in moderation) and like most everything else there is a spectrum. To find the balance between those two worlds is key (as is all things in life) and finding that balance is difficult.

I have been monitoring my Facebook feed and have noticed that most of the parties that are directly touched by this tragic situation have fallen off the “book” so I am unable to speak to their placement on the spectrum but some have remained and seem to be leaning towards the frozen in time part of the spectrum.

I have gone to the other end. I am in “hyper-productivity” mode even though I know this will inevitably lead to burnout. I wrote the final paper for psychology, got a business license/certificate, set up a business checking, in the process of applying for notary appointment, cleaned house, worked, cleaned fist tank, and bought a bonsai for peace  all before noon today.

I know I need to slow down because 1. I will run out of things to do and boredom leads to deviance and 2. the stress will eventually take physical form.

It is always hard to lose a loved one no matter the age or the reasoning. So take care to tell the ones you love that you love them while they are in this very delicate physical form.

Darkness Falls

I am composing this post in an altered state. This post will, more than likely, be deleted at some point but I find writing cathartic and really need to get this out so that I may possibly maintain my sanity.

I have gotten news that I really didn’t expect, want, or need. My cousin may have taken his own life. I am not quite sure how I should feel in this moment but I decided to opening figure out where approximately I am. I stole the stages of grief from PsychCentral because honestly, I really don’t want to break things down right now.

After reviewing the stages I have decided I am somewhere in the 1 &2. I am not in denial, I am too cynical to be in denial. Isolation on the other hand…. I want so bad to just turn my phone off and close this pc… But I also want to ghost scan the web for any information because I have very little of that. I am firmly set in anger though. I was pissed that I my mother called me crying, I was pissed that I found out that my brother called her crying, I am pissed in advance because someone will probably call my sister while she is driving from wherever she went this weekend, I’m pissed that my aunt is not doing well and that was her son, I’m pissed that my baby cousins made this discovery, I am pissed that I don’t know what to do when I usually know exactly what to do, I am just pissed.. I’m just so mad!!!!

I think the thing that makes me the most mad is that I have no rock, I am the rock! So when things like this happen in my world… It is just me! no one to help me through… I have never had the ability to go through all five of these stages. I get only to deal with 1, 2, and 5. And that makes me soooo freaking mad. Well world. I have let you in this far, but again, this will be deleted at some point… At least the venting part will be.

 

1. Denial and Isolation

The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.

2. Anger

As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it.

The doctor who diagnosed the illness and was unable to cure the disease might become a convenient target. Health professionals deal with death and dying every day. That does not make them immune to the suffering of their patients or to those who grieve for them.

Do not hesitate to ask your doctor to give you extra time or to explain just once more the details of your loved one’s illness. Arrange a special appointment or ask that he telephone you at the end of his day. Ask for clear answers to your questions regarding medical diagnosis and treatment. Understand the options available to you. Take your time.

3. Bargaining

The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–

• If only we had sought medical attention sooner…
• If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…
• If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…

Secretly, we may make a deal with God or our higher power in an attempt to postpone the inevitable. This is a weaker line of defense to protect us from the painful reality.

4. Depression

Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words.

The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.

5. Acceptance

Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.

Loved ones that are terminally ill or aging appear to go through a final period of withdrawal. This is by no means a suggestion that they are aware of their own impending death or such, only that physical decline may be sufficient to produce a similar response. Their behavior implies that it is natural to reach a stage at which social interaction is limited. The dignity and grace shown by our dying loved ones may well be their last gift to us.

Coping with loss is ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.

Act NOW or vent later

I have always been a thinker. I have always been an OVER-THINKER. I have always thought so much that action is slow to go. This, my friends is a no no! What happens when you think and think and then don’t act? NOTHING! nothing happens at all because you didn’t act. Well at least nothing happens for YOU and YOU are the one at a loss.

I am in vent mode at the moment, because yet again I didn’t act. Here’s why.

Way back in “the day”, when my ex-husband and I were early into our cohabitation, we were young and fairly poor getting started on a life together. We had the essentials and were able to pay the bills but we didn’t have creature comforts such as a freaking colander for straining the water from pasta! One day I was making spaghetti and as I was holding the hot pot and a plate over the opening, praying I didn’t drop all of the pasta into the sink, I turned to my now ex and said; “someone should invent a pasta pot with holes in the lid so that you can strain the pasta without even a need for a colander”. He ignored me as usual and the day went on. Some time down the road I was watching late night TV and saw:

I was so angry with myself for not acting on my first thought! What is it to invent? Find the problem, solve the problem, make the money!

I often think about how my life would be different had I actually acted on solving my pasta crisis. I would not change a thing because I love my life… But, admittedly, I would be in a completely different financial state.

Today I was running around the internet and came across an article titled

Your Brain Has A “Delete” Button- Here’s How To Use It!

I was intrigued of course. You see, just three weeks ago I was talking to my children about the importance of sleep and how that helps their body to “heal” itself in many ways. I was specifically talking to my youngest about the our joint problem of forgetting things because we learn so much so often and related it to computers and how information is organized and rewritten. Later that week, I was with my paid bestie, and I was trying to explain to her what I though about information processing in accordance with prioritizing useful or frequently accessed information and how our brains essentially puts the least “used” info into its recycle bin. Though this information isn’t deleted it is buried and harder to grasp. Either way….

I found and article on my Facebook feed, Titled  Your brain has a delete button… by Mystical Raven and I read the article and found it sourced back to Life Coach Code (same article different poster) and sourced that back to the original composers located The fast company   written on the 11th of this month and year!

I can’t not help but to be a little bit peeved at myself for not composing my thought two weeks ago when I had this on my mind. Although I am not yet a popular source of intellectual philosophical theories, I will be at some point and would have loved being the first to describe the deletion of information from the brain comparing it to a relate-able analogy such as the PC or a garden as did the fast company.

So head over to any of those three sites and read the article and enjoy the analogy. Also act on what you think people! how does it go? Speak now or forever hold your peace! haha

VENT OVER:

 

Mass suggestion: A way to save the world?

I think this is a great idea! I wish that people would be inclined to making random acts of kindness without prompting but I think that people will follow a cause more than not. If we were to spread the word I think this could be pulled off. Just look at the Ice bucket challenge and the running man challenge as an example of how things can take flight.

I try to do small things here and there, whenever possible, without expectations of return on investment. This, I believe, brings positive vibes to my life which is surely payment enough.

So what do you guys think about MirrorGirls Mass Suggestion idea? Do you think it is possible? Have we been on the “dark side” far too long? Has the generation of youth been too consumed by egotism (forgive my word choices this Sunday morning)

For example I could propose that the 30th of September, every one of us tried to do one random act of kindness.

What do you think would happen? Could it affect us all in a positive way?The date could be set one year in advance to make sure that many get the message, but as information can spread like fire in the right circumstances maybe it would not be necessary to wait that long.

So, would somebody be interested in an experiment like that? What can each and all of us do by simply being kind towards others?

Source: Mass suggestion: A way to save the world? 

One Thing I Can’t Stand… Well, One of the Things

Ask Jana Leigh

Those that know me will tell you that I cannot stand a bully.  You have NO right to hit, kick, intimidate, rape, sexually assault, lie, spread untrue gossip, or humiliate anyone in public or online.  Parents, I strongly encourage you to find out the how your child’s school handles bullying.  Many schools have adopted a zero tolerance for bullying.  If your school has no policy regarding bullying, talk to the school board about it.

Let’s begin by defining bullying.  Generally, there are four types of bullying (www.ncab.org.au).

Physical bullying

Physical bullying includes hitting, kicking, tripping, pinching and pushing or damaging property.

Verbal bullying

Verbal bullying includes name calling, insults, teasing, intimidation, homophobic or racist remarks, or verbal abuse.

Covert or hidden bullying

This sort of bullying is often harder to recognise and can be carried out behind the bullied person’s back. It is designed to harm someone’s social…

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Beauty and Nature

Only one small light to shine in the vast darkness that surrounds… The River Range Rear Lighthouse, lighting the way on the Niagara River in by-gone years. Niagara-on-the-Lake, Ontario, Canada. There are actually two lighthouses within close vicinity, one for the Niagara River and the other for Lake Ontario. More Niagara-on-the-Lake photos and travel info […]

via One Light ~ well, maybe two… — 2chicks2go

Finally getting to the helping

After going through a lot of healing I am finally able to begin the helping part. I feel like I am definitely making some good steps towards being the “success coach” I know that I can be. I think that I will work magic in the mental health field and be able to assist people with going through life’s daily stresses.

I like to be of assistance whenever possible and help to navigate tough times and even be there just to talk if that’s all that is needed.

Let’s see… I have been enjoying the new step of volunteering  as a court appointed child advocate. I have to admit that upon beginning the training, I was intimidated by the people that were also there to volunteer. At first, I thought, OMG I’m so not as progressed through life as these people are! I was sitting in the room with a former police officer, a published author, a social worker, and an attorney to name a few. Then I thought to myself, why the heck are you intimidated? Everyone here has valuable and unique experiences to offer, including YOU! and just like that, I broke through that ceiling I had placed on myself and am now meshing very well and plan to keep these people in my life as an asset.

I was contacted by someone who needed some assistance in finding employment and was able to produce some really, really, outstanding opportunities for said individual. I am not sure that they will move forward with the opportunities and I have my suspicious as to why, but once they remove the limiting beliefs that they hold, they will find that, although those prospects sound intimidating, if you have the experience and the history, you should at least try.

While I was scrounging around for those job prospects, I came across another that I found a perfect match for someone else who had mentioned they were looking for a more suitable position. I forwarded that information to them and we will see if they “drink” (you can lead a horse to water)

I have been, for about a week now, trying to nail down some assistance programs for someone that is all the way in Florida! I found quite a few resources for this individual… See I even work at a distance 🙂

As it relates to “the Fixer”

It’s this very much a light bulb moment?

Here’s to finding yourself again my fixer friends. Find the complete story on the Earth Child’s Site