I would love nothing more than to stand in the shower for days, allowing the hot water to somehow encompass my soul. But, let’s face it, it is only Wednesday and I have to work at least 3 more jobs by weeks end.
I am, quite frankly, the only one that my boys turn to when they are in need of something. I don’t have the leeway to allow depletion to be the wall I don’t climb. It is tough not being able to breathe.
Dear future Mr. CrazyTown, I apologize in advance for finding it difficult to be less controlling, it is all I know. When I have tried to share reigns of this chariot, I have been left on an path to a cliff and scrambling to right the way.
Feeling emotionally full. A sort of, childlike happiness in my spirit today. I could literally jump. I feel as though this super moon has something to do with it. Wherever this joyous feeling comes from, I’m living in it. Staying present. Engaging.
For the 1st time…. I OWN A VEHICLE! I know this sounds strange… I am 30-something, I have kids. I haven’t used any form of public transportation since I was like 16. I have been driving for what seems like forever!
My 1st car, a Ford Taurus, my ex-husband and I bought when I was… maybe 19. It was purchased from our landlord and my ex and his brother almost died getting it back because it had no brakes!! I never drove that car.
We then went the way of finance. We jointly purchased a 2006 Kia Spectra. We paid almost all of it and then he totaled it and we paid the remaining $300 and didn’t own it. We then financed a Pontiac Montanan… We moved back to MA and gave the vehicle back to the financier. We (he) bought an Oldsmobile… he moved out and took it with him… I could borrow it once in a while but only on his terms. I then got a candy apple red Buick Park Ave. with bucket seats… Financed of course… It developed some wiring issues and the mechanic who was fixing it called and said that it caught on fire on the highway… I gave the car back. I leased a Dodge Stratus from a shitty company who sold an illiterate to cars single mother who was desperate for transportation a shitty car for 16k. Had it for less than a year when a gasket blew… I told them to come get their shitty car. I financed a Ford Explorer… 5… count them and find the problem.. 5 wheel bearings gone changed gone again… come get your car. I then financed another Kia Spectra… bad idea.. I did it on a deferred down thing and as soon as I made the final deferred down payment… I totaled the car. That was cool though because I was working with yet another shitty company that takes advantage of people and they were kind enough to take the insurance payment for the vehicle and sell me a 19k Ford Taurus… Shocked! Either way… This 19k car I have had for 2 yrs, now has 211,111 miles on it. Has had transmission issues since day one and is just not worth 19k AT ALL….
Today I bought a car… Well a mini van… It is not new but it is mine. I have the title and it didn’t cost 19k. It is insured and will be registered first thing Monday morning. This may sound like no biggie to you but I have been in a cycle of shitty car after shitty fiance company after shitty dealer and no more. I haven’t decided what to do with the 19k rock. I may (eventually) pay it off and try to sell it for parts or I have have them sell it at auction and deal with the balance. I don’t care because I have my very 1st vehicle
Shedding the old skin to make room for new can be challenging and scary. It is also beautiful and refreshing. Embrace the inevitability of change.
Somehow I lost track.
I lost track of which business day or calendar day it was.
I lost track.
I did not, however, lose faith.
I still hold that dearly.
I haven’t lost that.
I have faith.