Yeah I know, I haven’t gone very far. I have just been dealing with a lot of stuff lately. The funeral for my cousin was just this past Thursday and I think I am trying to get back into the swing of things.
The calling was very difficult. I am one that is sensitive to emotion and find it hard not to feel just as distraught as the person I’m nearest to in proximity. I like to see myself as the one who holds people together but sometimes I am the one in need of holding.
I saw my cousin, whom I look up to, break down and that was the end of my strength.
The service was moving, though I found myself floating back and fourth pretending to assist people but really just avoiding the reality of the situation.
The burial got to me the most, I think. I still hear my other cousin screaming about how she refused to leave her brother here and I couldn’t help but feel like he was way too hot in the casket in the sun. I know that I should know that he did not feel the heat, but I just couldn’t help but want to remove the body from those tortuous confines.
I needed to remove myself from the location as soon as I dropped the carnation on the way too hot casket.
There were so many people at the services! He was definitely well loved.
I found time in that moment to remember that he was being buried right next door to my father and sister and took a moment to say hi to them. It was a lot more comfortable visiting with them because I have been so many times before.
I guess I was dealing with a great deal of shock for the past couple of weeks and I think that I am moving slowly out of that zone at this moment.
For those of you that don’t like to see images of this nature, I must warn you that casket photos and such follow. Photo Credit: Panama fotos