the chicken or the eagle. I know who I am… Do you?

I needed this so bad. My therapist friend is having  baby so she is currently occupied and I just can’t hold this in. I have had it up to my head in fake people, especially people who should be on your team. I guess what I am saying is that, it doesn’t matter what your bloodline is, it is all a choice and the choice has been made. I sat here feeling frustrated and infuriated and then I thought, how does this person really help my life, they don’t! at all!!! so why am I allowing them to control my emotions? I can’t, so I won’t.

On that note. I can’t wait to get home. I want to cut my nails and get back to life. I will leave you with a story I heard today in #OGIgnite.

Homer, Alaska, United States --- Bald Eagle in mid-air flight over Homer Spit Kenai Peninsula Alaska Winter --- Image by © AlaskaStock/Corbis

Homer, Alaska, United States — Bald Eagle in mid-air flight over Homer Spit Kenai Peninsula Alaska Winter — Image by © AlaskaStock/Corbis

The eagle fly’s high and mostly alone. This may be a lonely life at times but there is no competition at the top. You are that good.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

The chicken on the other hand, lives a comfortable life with others, in a coup. Gets fed and watered yet has no dreams or aspirations and simply follows. #1 food!!

I am not the chicken, I am the eagle! I don’t expect to encounter many like myself and I can’t allow others to take me to the chickens’ level. I will allow them to remain there in their comfort and hypocrisy. #DoYouBooBoo love, #Eagle

Flying high

I know what your thinking, and trust me I wish I were.. I am literally in the air right at this moment and pre-writing this post..

By the time I am able to post this, I will have flown a total of 8 hours! That’s unheard of for me.
Either way sharing pictures, more to come

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Hmm Let’s chat about boys

Yes boys, I can’t call them men. Not at this point.

I have been trying to figure this out. I don’t think I give off that “side chick” attitude. I certainly do not see myself in that position and I would never even consider it an option. Why is it that boys think that they can somehow convince me to do that, to lower my standards? I hold myself to a much higher standard and I have a high standard for any person who may come into my life.

I think the fact that there are so many females out there that do not value themselves, that think so little of themselves that they will be that meaningless “buddy” for a guy. This is completely making it hard for those of us who do think highly of ourselves. Why has this side chick fad become the norm?

me all day. Wait, what would your girlfriend say about what you just said to me? no, don’t answer, that’s not my business

Ok so let us talk about it, shall we?

#LaughingWhileBlack

I have just finished working for the day and decided to take a scroll down my Facebook timeline. Now recently there has been a dramatic increase in race relations as far as African American and Caucasian Americans go. I have felt this tension building for quite some time with all of the media being centered around it. I have tried and tried to push past the topic because, let’s face it, I am black and my children are mixed (black and white) inevitably this topic must be discussed because they are growing up on both sides of the issue.

Let us talk about this new one please? Laughing while black. A group of book club members, all black, were kicked off of a train because they were laughing too loud and a couple of people complained.

I shutter to think that this is actually what happened. I mean really? Laughter has upset someone to the point of complaint? when did the world lose it’s sense of humor?

I would love to have your thoughts on this issue.

More to come!

That was Quick. Open processing.

I just figured out what to do about my amazing opportunity for policing. This is a response to a text I received. I didn’t expect to come to a decision just yet but I am glad that I did. I still have a few days to process this decision and it will be heavily debated on Thursday. But so far I am so good with it

Text messages with **********************

I don’t know. I just think that everyone is how they are for one reason or another and if we can figure out why we do the things we do we can learn from them. for example, I used to fight a lot when I was younger. I always knew I was angry but just couldn’t give that anger a voice. It was just “acting out” I later (my delta friend and I) figured out that I was so angry because I couldn’t understand the death of my father and sister, I felt unheard by the world and especially my mother and I just needed someone to listen to me. eventually I forgave myself for all of the negative things I did in my youth and forgave all who I felt hurt by. I grew up, I finally became an adult at 28 lol. But now I allow others to cross lines and boundaries because I know that there is something deeper going on and I think I can be able to help in some way. hence the murderer. Literally just made my decision, I can’t be a cop, I have to be a psychologist.

Impasse… I am at an Impasse.. PDD-NOS

What and eventful day. Let us take an unusual turn to the greatly personal life I lead. Let’s talk about PDD-NOS , that is pervasive developmental delay not otherwise specified. My son, baby A, middle child was diagnosed with PDD a couple years back. We had always known that something was not quite right, he seemed to be 6 full months behind his twin brother in everything, walking, talking, crawling and all. Finally after waiting and waiting and eventually changing hospitals we got a referral to see a specialist. We were tasked with filling out questionnaire after questionnaire and form after form. We also had to have anyone who spent any time with him fill our questionnaires too.

After three days of visiting with the specialist, it was now the parent meeting to discuss the findings. We talked and she had just one more question. Previous to this question, she was set on Autism but after that apparently crucial question,  that I can’t even remember,  she went with PDD-NOS assuring us that everything will be blanket Autism the following April.

Ever since the diagnosis we have been at a standstill. I’m not sure if it is completely because I have no idea what I am doing or what, but, here we stand. I feel like there is nowhere to go from here. I am left with a diagnosis and no building blocks or tools.

So now we come to today. He was not having a good day. He was playing video game and was shouting that he is no good at it. This is typical frustrations that he exhibits if he doesn’t get something on the first try, coupled with an already bad day, I felt it was best to nix the gaming and maybe try some outdoor activities. I called them all in for this and he got so angry he stomped off. It’s never just a stomp off when he is mad, he stomps so hard on the ground that I feel like he could hurt himself. I told him that maybe a nap would be a better idea, maybe he was just feeling hot and tired. He then began to throw all of his blankets off of his bed and slapping, pinching, and banging his head on his mattress started. I asked him why he was doing this, he says because he has to take a nap forever. I just can’t anymore, It’s not like I can sit with him every minute of every day and as soon as I walk away he does it again. I made a call to the specialist because there has to be some way to handle this. There has to be some sort of help for us. I refuse to believe that this is just what it is.

On top of this, I received notice that there is a permanent officer position open for the city and have been invited to check it out. I have until the 26th to express interest in applying for the position and I found this out this morning. I have dreamed of being  an officer for years now, I got my associates degree in criminal justice and have taken the exam. I want to take this opportunity but how can I? How can I even consider a job like this when I am at such a loss as to what to do for my child? How can I possibly be able to have the time for a field such as policing? I can’t for the most part keep a civilian job because I often find it hard to maintain childcare and without resources for a child with special needs, this seems so freaking impossible!

Not only am I at a loss for what to do about my kid, I feel like I am at a loss as to what to do about my life…

What do these 28 words mean to you?

A-1

ace

blue-chip

choice

excellent

fine

first-class

first-string

five-star

highest quality

in a class all by itself

prime

sound

superior

supreme

tiptop

top-level

uppermost

very best

very good