I like to pretend that everything is A-Okay. I like to pretend that my life is a cake walk and that things are easy breezy. This is not actually the case.
Let’s take a look into my life, shall we?
I am a full time mother of three rapidly growing boys. They are my driving force and reason for being. They bring my joy and heartache(when they are sad) and frustration when I feel like they just would rather not listen to me. It is hard as hell being a parent and it definitely doesn’t come with a rule book or blueprint. It is even harder when you are going through it mostly alone. But on the other side of the coin, I have been able to forge this unbreakable bond with these fellas that I hope will prove beneficial when they hit that “mom get out” age in life. I hope that we will continue to have open lines of communication and that they never feel like they’re missing anything when it comes to mother son relationship.
I am a full time student. I have been on this fairly exhausting journey as far as schooling is concerned. Although I only take two courses at a time, these courses have me constantly writing reading analyzing and composing. If you are a full time college student, you know what I mean. This is a whole life situation all on it’s own.
I work full time. I don’t just punch in, do my job and, go home. I have to actively seek contracts that fit my needs as far as flexibility and pay. I have to make sure that I leave a good impression at all times so that I can constantly receive contracts with companies. I have to actually do the work and sometimes this is a full day affair! Some field work has me on the road for hours and then the office piece is just as long, if not longer.
I try to make a presence on life in some sort of full time capacity and we all know how hard that can be.
Three full time things and a possible (Spades).. phew. I am tired
If you tried to add all of the man hours up and see how much time I actually spend parenting, learning, working and, blogging, tweeting, Instagraming and, Facebooking then you my friend are a brave soul! If you actually garnered a figure from all of this then you are a mathematician! AND finally, if you have managed to find some “me time” in this equation then I really need your number because we need to talk!
I am an avid “I will help but, you will do it” kind of homework helper. I stress the fact that the boys need to do their homework and will help whenever needed but will not over help. I think that this has helped my boys to be better able to figure things out and promotes independence. I know that some parents do all of the ‘things’ for their children, this is evident with my kid comes home with a valentine from 4th grade Tammy with adult writing. Yeah, girls have better hand writing than boys (not in my case) but that fourth grade child does not write like that!
Yesterday was a very long day for the baby of the family. He takes part in a science club at school and yesterday was the first day of the club. He has also decided that he would like to take part in karate which the oldest does on Tuesday’s as well. His schedule was; school from 8:15- 2:40, Science club from 3-5 and then, karate from 5:30-6:30. After all of that he still needed to eat, shower, and do homework. I told him he could eat and do homework at the same time. We had fast food because of the long day (there was no way I would be cooking at 7pm) and so burgers and homework was his goal.
Somewhere along the way, the homework never made it out of the car.
This morning as we were rushing to gather things to get out of the door for school, I asked him where his backpack was. He walked to the homework room and came back with a devastated look on his face. I asked him what was wrong and he bursts into tears and says he forgot to do his homework. I calmed him down and said that we had plenty of time to do it, I would help him while the car warmed up and we could sit in the car unit it was done. (I totally said this without asking the content of the homework…. oops) I found out that he only had 4 math problems and has to make a list of 25 of his ‘qualities’. He cranked out the math and we drove really slowly towards school. As we drove, the other two boys and I took turns listing his qualities as he wrote them down.
Although I am not one to do the home for the kids, this one was a welcome exception. I could list everything that I think is a quality I possess but those words would pale in comparison to a list of qualities that someone I love assigned to me. We had fun doing it, and I hope that he felt proud that his family could spout out, so readily, all of the great things about him.
My boys and I have some really odd conversations. It’s not the topic so much as the time and age of the conversations. My oldest has been talking about how many children he would have when he is older. Ever since he was 7, he has said he was going to have a lot of children. My youngest didn’t want to have any children. Every time we play “The game of Life adventures” my oldest stick to the family cards and my youngest stays in the adventure section. Recently, however, they haven’t been talking about these things so today I brought it up. I asked the oldest how many children he wanted to have when he was older. He said 3 and my youngest chimed in with “a lot!!”
My, have the minds changed.
The funny part of this random Monday night story is: My oldest will name his first born son after himself (like he is named after his father) and his second born will bare the name of my second born and his youngest, my youngest! I think I have located the mama’s boy.
My youngest will name his first born after my first born and will name his second child Christina (what?) it will be his wife’s task to name the other children. I see who looks up to their brother.
My middle guy will have 3 children like his older brother but will name his children after the characters of Five Nights at Freddy’s including a boy named Bonnie and the youngest name marionette. Well at least he doesn’t want to grow up to be a race car anymore (yes a race car, not a race car driver)
They never tell you how incredibly difficult it is to raise children. You see all the new moms in the world with their bouncing bundles of joy all smiling and laughing and aging the babies in months for the first 3 years of their lives. I am a mother of 3 boys and finally I am ready to remove that mask of “happy ass parenting” and be bold enough to tell the truth.
My oldest child(10) is probably the most sensitive kid I have ever met. He is just like me in that way. I falling leaf in early June means the leaf didn’t live a full life and therefore my heart is broken. I remember his first day of 4th grade. I picked them up from school and he had the saddest look in his eyes. I asked him what was wrong and he broke out in full-blown tears. It took everything I had not to cry with him. When I finally got him calm enough to understand his day one sorrows, he tells me that a friend didn’t say hi back to him and he doesn’t understand why. “I just miss the old Tiana”, HUH??? My kid had suffered his first heartbreak at the age of 8(almost 9). I had no clue what to do. I don’t even remember if I had a crush at that age. They don’t tell you that in the baby books.
My middle child (Twin 1 also known as Baby A) was diagnosed with PDD-NOS and I still don’t know how to help him really. I feel like every medical professional expects you to know what that means and how to help. It took years to even see someone regarding his slow development and when we finally got some assistance, the specialist was like…”I am leaning towards Asperger’s….. Nope PDD…..Okay have a good life”. Well my son is now acting out, aggressively, towards himself. He gets really angry when he feels like he doesn’t know something and hits himself. I have no clue how to help here either. I have an appointment with the specialist but it isn’t until November so until them we, the family as a whole, are in “don’t let him get upset” mode.
My youngest (Twin 2 also known as Baby B) has decided that lying is the only way to go. No matter what it is…. I have been trying to explain to him that lying gets him grounded but he has yet to really care about being grounded because he loves to read and when you’re grounded that is your only option.
So you see, on top of working and school, these kids created crazytown. They are definitely not 36 month old bundles of laughs and smiles. It kind of makes me feel like I am currently undertaking 3 majors and I need a tutor.
I just had to have the worlds most difficult conversation with my children. My throat still has the hugest lump in it from fighting back the tears. I have had to have many of conversations with them about things but this one was long overdue. We/they don’t have the most things in the world, but I have pretty much been able to get away with getting them the things they request. Years ago it started with the X-box 360 and all the games that go with it, plus the connect. They have had PSP’s and tablets and more tablets and handheld Nintendo game thingy. They got a Wii for Christmas a couple years ago and a Wii-U for this Christmas that just past. They have a PlayStation 3 now and games galore. Movies and oh yeah, there are the phones that I am now missing two of.
Today I have reached my limit. Castle Crashers, a $15 downloadable game that I have told them they could not get today. My oldest, and arguable the most spoiled of the bunch, asked me to put it on my credit card. I asked him if he had the money to pay the card and he looked shocked. Like it just comes from nowhere. They talked my ear off at breakfast about this game and how they have it at their dad’s house. I listened for about an hour and they enjoy the game. This was before the “put it on your card” request.
I made some grilled cheese, grilled ham and cheese with a side of sliced green and red apples and green and red grapes for lunch. Just as soon as this lunch was consumed, the oldest asked… “Can I have a snack?” I told him no, he just had lunch and I moved on from it. He then comes to me in a whine, saying how he doesn’t know what to do now, he would like to know when they were going to dad’s house. I kind of lost it.
I didn’t yell or scream, I just talked. I walked through the house cutting off the X-box, and then the Wii-U and took away the phone and tablet. I explained to them about the need to appreciate the things they have, that needing more all the time is just not a sign of appreciation. I was told that they did appreciate their things, but I think somewhere along the line I have been trying to overcompensate for the ending of the marriage by giving them “things”. Well times have changed, it is time that I be the mom that I should’ve been and set some rules and guidelines for this behavior.