Canada oh Canada

Every time i come to Maine I imagine that i must be close enough to Canada to just go. I wonder if Canada would accept me with open arms. With the past months frustrations and the current administration, Canada is certainly on my mind.
Maine fog

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Change Challenge Check Up

Doing pretty well on the 365 change challenge. I think rougher times are ahead though, because the numbers are getting bigger. I took the challenge and multiplied it by 5 without a real idea of what I would do with the savings.

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My first thought was to take a vacation with the boys somewhere warm (challenge ends 12/30 leap year). Then I thought about just giving them the cash and buying myself something nice as well.

My niece was with me for a few days, due to a school suspension, so I added her name to the hat and assured her that a portion was hers if she she finished the year strong and the first half of next school year was fabulous.

But what to do with the other 4/5?!? So then I added my other niece to the pot and removed myself. She lives hundreds of miles away from us and we we only see her through pictures. I thought about taking a trip down with the boys and niece A and grabbing niece B and doing a few days in Hershey Pennsylvania…. But it maybe be horrible next winter and i would have to rent a 7 passenger vehicle.

I guess what really matters is that I am proud that I have actually stuck to the challenge. Normally  would have gotten the kids extra crap that they’ll break by now 🙂

Here is a copy of the breakdown I found on Saving Advice. Give it a try! You know you want to.

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Mood=Ashanti ol’skool

Good morning my loves!

Your 6th Environment the Body

We are not talking about your external body here people. We are talking about our whole bodies! We have got to take care of our bodies from the inside out.

You see the body environment is something that most people don’t think of as an environment. They think that they are their body. And just like you have a mind but you’re not your mind, you have a body and you’re not your body.
And what’s great about the body environment is that if you understand the one that you’ve been given, you can design that environment and the rest of the environments to make you feel a certain way.
So the question to ask yourself right now is does your body wake up every day without an alarm clock? Do you wake up with energy? Do you wake up calm, and centered, and peaceful or do you need an alarm clock that you hit eight or nine times and you wake up with this adrenaline rush right off the day.

This was a really cool way of thinking about the body. When I was married, I put all my energy into making sure my family was completely attended to while also neglecting myself and my bodies need. After my divorce, I understood that by not taking care of my self internally, all the work I was doing for others didn’t really matter. I was a grumpy person in the morning and throughout the day because I wasn’t eating right or sleeping well. I did not exercise the muscle known as the brain anymore and I just was not a awesome person to be around. When I came to understand that, I decided to change it. I began meditation as a means to ground myself and gain a better perspective. I am still a work in progress, but no longer are my days filled with less than gratitude and joy. I took a year off to entertain an abusive relationship but relapses happen and I’m back on the wagon of personal growth and strength.

It Started with a Dragon

We headed out to see a demonstration of Kung-Fu today. My cousin has been trying to get me to join her Kung-Fu journey for over a year now. She has also been trying to get my kid to trade Karate for Kung-Fu. I watched her demonstrate with her last time the art show took place. I agreed to take a free class, then came up with a bunch of clever excuses why I could not attend. I am ready now! Ready to embark on a new journey. I will be in attendance Wednesday evening.

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They gave the children a quick lesson on kicks and punches. My Karate master shouted the whole time, forcing people to notice that he knew what he was doing.

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They started the demonstration  with a dance of the dragon, she was in the back end of the dragon. That has to be the most difficult position, you can’t see where you’re going.

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They all took turns leading the pack. I was truly fascinated by this variety of ages.

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I can’t wait to go to the trial class so that I can manage to kick start my health.

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How I changed my life

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I am a survivor. I will always be. That’s just me

It has been 34 days and so it is time to take inventory. Time to see where I was as compared to where I am.

On the 12th of July I went through some really rough stuff. It was an awful time. I went from working, to fighting to being threatened and kicked out of my own home. 5 cruisers and 1 “patty-wagon” later, he was removed from my home and that Monday I made it a permanent thing.  He said so many things during that time. The statement that stuck out the most was,  that I would never be able to make it without his assistance. Giving the danger of the situation in the moment I didn’t laugh, I couldn’t, I knew better. I know he said this because he wanted me to feel that as true, and therefore consider it as possible which would eventually force me into dependence. I think that must have been the drugs talking because he knows that in 2009, my now ex-husband and I separated. We didn’t just separate, we had been fighting and deciding that it was probably going to be better if we dissolve our romantic relationship, however, instead of making a plan of action, he decided, while I was in the south visiting with my brother and his new born baby, to move out. He didn’t inform me. He left our children with a sitter and moved out. I survived. It was difficult but I had no choice but to survive. I was previously a stay at home mother who hadn’t worked in over 5 years and had 3 kids that were all 3yrs old. I survived. I had no money, no car, no plan, no finances, no options, but I survived. I picked myself up and carried on. Got a job, guilted him into a down payment for a car and  moved forward.

When I met him I had already been through the trenches, now I was maintaining. I worked 2 jobs, day and night, seven days a week. I maintained my bills and home and kids. during our relationship, I switched jobs and did multiple things because he began to feel emasculated so I allowed him to share some of the lead. knowing full well that I had been through the toughest things I could imagine and survived. I didn’t mind working less but knew I could do what I needed to do. I survived.

So I guess looking at where I am today. I am currently taking a break from the world. I haven’t put much effort into anything but kids and school. It’s been a month! I talked to my therapist about my lack of motivation and she told me I was my toughest critic. She told me that I have actually accomplished a ton. I still don’t agree. I do what is necessary. I applied for a 4 year university which is apparently a big deal. I am just doing what I need. Doesn’t seem like a big deal to me, it’s mandatory if I want my bachelors degree.

I think I am ready now though, to end my break from reality, to pick back up and keep on chugging. To fold the socks!

I don’t know many people that talk about surviving domestic abuse. Abuse comes in many shapes and sizes. My form was mental and emotional. I was often told (not made to feel) that I was wrong in just about everything. I was often made to feel guilty for everything under the sun. I had the ability, however, to see that these things weren’t actual, he actually had the problem. I think where I got hit the hardest was the suicidal threats. I think somewhere in there I was unable to create the boundaries needed to know that he had a problem. I just didn’t want to be the reason he killed himself. Once I thought about it. Once I processed it out. I was ready to understand.