I find myself in strange situations with this fella. Most recent being my attempt to help him yet again. I think my heart is just too big and I feel like everyone needs a hand every once in a while. I realize now that you can’t help people that are not ready or do not want it.
I should have learned to let go when I watched my children walk up the hill to school last week but that lesson went right over my head.
Today, however, I was told that I was lead to believe that a mental issue existed but in fact it was me who actually had the problem. Everyone can have their own opinion on another so that is fine with me. I will not be holding out the my hand in assistance any longer. I cannot help if you don’t even recognize that there is a problem. Let’s just keep in mind that I have been functioning in society and constantly growing and learning even if those lessons pass me by the first time.
I really don’t know why I allowed myself to invest so much of myself towards this situation, it just isn’t like me to do so. I normally recognize quickly when I’m beating a dead horse yet this one was long coming.
I think I was just too close to the situation to be of assistance and now I leave it in the hands of whomever can handle it. I didn’t get it at first when my paid Bestie told me, but I get it now… You just can’t treat friends and family.
I half assumed I’d feel some magnificent weight lifted off of my shoulders when I finally came to terms but this, too, is not the case. I feel burdened by the weight of things left unchecked and I feel like I should have been able to help out in some way. Paid Bestie just told me Thursday that I can’t save the world. But it doesn’t hurt less to fail in attempting with just one. I feel like I have a lot to learn and this is a driving force that will carry me all the way through my studies and into my career.