Went to see my paid bestie today, like every Thursday.. She was late because she had to do a phone consult with a Doctor that could not postpone the consult any longer. I had my sick kid in tow so I was not put off by having a shorter visit. We arrive at the location and my mini me sat in the waiting room while she and I talked.
We started off by me explaining that I tried the whole “get things done without having it be a rush” thing and the feeling was the same as if I had waited until the last minute. I’m not sure if I will become less of a procrastinator or not.
We jumped right into talking about ways to approach talking to the boys about their new addition no longer existing. She assured me that I was doing the right thing in having the discussion sooner rather than later because, who knows how dad will break the news to them.
Somewhere between talking about my lack of procrastination and talking about the kids, she, either intentionally or not, kind of blurted out that she almost immediately labeled me as having acute PTSD.
I think this spillover may have been a way of gauging my reaction to being “diagnosed”. She may have wanted to see if I would completely fall apart with having a label placed in a permanent record with my name on it.
I learned, somewhere along the way, that it is wise to see how a client will react to talks about their diagnosis, to see if it will send them into a depressive state or have some sort of mental break. I think that it is entirely possible that PTSD could be something relative to me. I looked it up, of course, and found something on: ptsd.va.gov
My father and sister died in a house fire when I was 8 years old. I was there, I saw it happen. I went through the “what ifs”….. all of them and the “why didn’ts……” fill in the blank with that one as well. I never slept in pajamas after that.
Days after, I was forced to watch Backdraft! Talk about adding fuel to the fire.
I had lost every material possession that I have ever had and two people I loved dearly and life just got harder from there.
Shortly after (like less than a month), my mother was in a new relationship. That was hell-of confusing for me, I’m sure!
We won’t address more than this just at this moment. I will let that sink in for you for a while before I unveil the rest of my life molding, PTSD causing, traumas.
Moving on. Through all of the things that I have been through. Here is a picture, I also from the .gov PDF .
Ok, ok… So I started drinking at like 11. I was drunk from 11-16ish. From 16-18 I was on a sort of path of passive suicide. I also started smoking at 11 and …. ehh… my health is fiiiineeeee (lmao)
I do avoid certain people AND situations. The most relevant type of person to the information that I have divulged would have to be heavy drinkers (I forgot to mention my father had downed a 30 pack of Budweiser the night of the fire) and home fire hazards…
So there you have it! I may have possibly been “diagnosed” with (as having) PTSD and I if I look at my life objectively I would lean in the same direction.