Impasse… I am at an Impasse.. PDD-NOS

What and eventful day. Let us take an unusual turn to the greatly personal life I lead. Let’s talk about PDD-NOS , that is pervasive developmental delay not otherwise specified. My son, baby A, middle child was diagnosed with PDD a couple years back. We had always known that something was not quite right, he seemed to be 6 full months behind his twin brother in everything, walking, talking, crawling and all. Finally after waiting and waiting and eventually changing hospitals we got a referral to see a specialist. We were tasked with filling out questionnaire after questionnaire and form after form. We also had to have anyone who spent any time with him fill our questionnaires too.

After three days of visiting with the specialist, it was now the parent meeting to discuss the findings. We talked and she had just one more question. Previous to this question, she was set on Autism but after that apparently crucial question,  that I can’t even remember,  she went with PDD-NOS assuring us that everything will be blanket Autism the following April.

Ever since the diagnosis we have been at a standstill. I’m not sure if it is completely because I have no idea what I am doing or what, but, here we stand. I feel like there is nowhere to go from here. I am left with a diagnosis and no building blocks or tools.

So now we come to today. He was not having a good day. He was playing video game and was shouting that he is no good at it. This is typical frustrations that he exhibits if he doesn’t get something on the first try, coupled with an already bad day, I felt it was best to nix the gaming and maybe try some outdoor activities. I called them all in for this and he got so angry he stomped off. It’s never just a stomp off when he is mad, he stomps so hard on the ground that I feel like he could hurt himself. I told him that maybe a nap would be a better idea, maybe he was just feeling hot and tired. He then began to throw all of his blankets off of his bed and slapping, pinching, and banging his head on his mattress started. I asked him why he was doing this, he says because he has to take a nap forever. I just can’t anymore, It’s not like I can sit with him every minute of every day and as soon as I walk away he does it again. I made a call to the specialist because there has to be some way to handle this. There has to be some sort of help for us. I refuse to believe that this is just what it is.

On top of this, I received notice that there is a permanent officer position open for the city and have been invited to check it out. I have until the 26th to express interest in applying for the position and I found this out this morning. I have dreamed of being  an officer for years now, I got my associates degree in criminal justice and have taken the exam. I want to take this opportunity but how can I? How can I even consider a job like this when I am at such a loss as to what to do for my child? How can I possibly be able to have the time for a field such as policing? I can’t for the most part keep a civilian job because I often find it hard to maintain childcare and without resources for a child with special needs, this seems so freaking impossible!

Not only am I at a loss for what to do about my kid, I feel like I am at a loss as to what to do about my life…

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