Keeping Myself Honest

There are a whole bunch of things that I omitted from my last, very bland post. You know the post about very vague movies that scream, “something is going on here”. If this is truly going to be an open book about me then I need to be open, so here we go.

Things I left out: For starters; I freaked out on the kids a little bit. I have been so overwhelmed with everything that has been going on that the huge amount of little things cause a meltdown. Every day, multiple times a day, I have to ask the boys to clan up their messes, put up their stuff, put things away, put you shirt on right, speak in indoor voices inside, and this list goes on and on. They have this great knack for throwing trash at the trash basket and leaving it laying on the floors, stuck to the walls and the whole nine yards. Lately I have found myself saying “In the trash, not around the trash” and today, after finding a ton of trash laying about, I freaked out, set a bunch of rules and stormed off like a child. I later apologized to them for being so harsh and tried to explain my bad mood in a calmer tone. Expressed how I have been feeling about their apparent “mom will get it” attitude and asked them to try and help out a little bit by just being mindful about their stuff. They seemed to get it.

I then realized that it has finally hit me that we, he and I, will no longer be an us. It is just me now, and I took that hard. I know it seems weird being upset about someone who has been so…….. unsettling, but I do miss him. I know I will get over it but for now I miss him.

I noticed that I have not done any studying what so ever for the midterm exam I had today. I haven’t even opened the book. I went to class today and noticed that everyone had large index cards used for cheat sheets for the test. I didn’t attend class last week, so I missed out on that bit of information. I do not know how I did, but I don’t think it was well.

I also had to break some very delicate information to someone today. It was emotional of course. (that’s not mine to share). It’s technically Tuesday, and I am still up. I know tomorrow will be better.


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