Swollen feet, deflated heart… let’s switch those

Here I sit. The dreaded waiting room of an urgent care because my ankle is the size of a softball and my foot and calf have doubled in size. I didn’t do anything to cause this, to the best of my knowledge, just starting going on Friday and now I must be seen. I try to stay off of it as much as possible but there is always a ton of things that need to be done. For instance, I get to go home and clean from top to bottom regardless of what I’m told here. If not me than who?
There is so much on my mind that I feel like my brain is going to explode. I desperately need to have a drink with my friend because it’s so overdue. I had made a decision to stop drinking in support of another but that has gone out the window, over the cliff and into the jagged rocks. I am at a loss.
I feel like I’ve said that once before and it makes me wonder where I’m actually headed if I keep getting lost. Am I on the right path? Headed in the right direction at least? Who knows.
Yesterday marked I one year anniversary for me. I spent the evening of this anniversary giddy as a school girl and I think I was sorely disappointed with the lack of reciprocation. What was it all for if there is a lack of excited in making it through what most others could never or would never? I don’t know. I guess another change is perspective is possible.
I guess, if I’m being as vague as possible, I, as a person, have been trying all my life to work on commanding respect and I feel like I’m failing or falling short in the most basic way. If you can’t get the people closet to you to respect you, can you really expect to be able to project a presence in the world?


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