There are so many things that are wrong with this day; well, most would certainly see my day today as very much Murphy’s law. I, however, don’t see it as that.
I knew all week long that I would be working 11pm-7am and I tried my hardest to plan for this. I then got hit with; “can you pick up the kids from school today and hang on to them and get me from work before dropping us all off? Oh yeah, I get out at 4pm”. Of course I would never say no to picking up my kids from school even on dad’s weekend. No big deal.
As the week went on I started feeling more and more tension at home between he and I. Been there, done that, or so I thought. Last night I thought I was facing a very typical fight in the relationship and I proceeded as such but this was no ordinary fight. It didn’t end as expected but for some reason it seemed okay because we actually went to sleep before 4am and we slept in the same space. Got up tired but that was okay, I’d knock out this Medical terminology homework/project and clean up the house. I expected to have to drive around all day so I didn’t want to sleep just yet. I agreed to bringing him to get his check but was thrilled that he was willing to just go it alone. I planned to bring him to work and then pick up the kids… My body was so exhausted. Those chores went off without a hitch until… well he says he wanted to say something but just didn’t know how to word it. I let it ride pretty much.
I finished bringing all the people about and headed home to maybe catch 5 or so hours of sleep and that’s it started to go downhill. I had all the kids gear and needed to get that to them before tomorrow. I had to wash and dry said gear first. My mother called just for something, and then he called. Again, I swore this was going to be like all of our other fights that eventually ended up with us just fine and less stressed. It was far from that. He actually ended the relationship. Much more than that, he was serious about it. So serious that he planned to assist me with whatever I needed until school was done and then go…. I could not even fathom the concept for a while and then I was breathless.. Literally…
You may be asking; “what about this day screams positive?”
I’ll tell you; I learned that I was making a very important person feel like less than important (that’s putting it nicely to save face). I learned that I should probably pay less attention to getting everything done the way I want thus skirting the things that actually matter like the people I care about. I learned that my children are totally taking advantage of the fact that they have two homes; one with rules and one without. I also learned that crying and no sleep equally a very shitty graveyard shit. Only 5 more hours but I so wish I could be where I actually need to be; Home
Feeling Like I Can’t Find My Reflection In the Mirror.